A Wall

I don't know what's going on with me. I am in an odd head space and I am not quite sure what to do, its as if I have hit a wall in my life.  I hate going to work, I hate being home, I want to be alone while at the same time I don't want to be alone. I know there are a couple oxymorons in that last sentence.  I should be happy but I'm not and I don't know why. When I think about where my life is now and where it was when I was at my lowest points, I have come a long way. I have my own place, I'm back with my family, I have a man that I don't doubt loves me, I have a decent job which I hate but its decent still.  I just feel like I should be doing more but I don't know what that more is and I don't want to feel empty but that's how I feel. I want to feel passionate about something and as I am doing something that makes me happy but the truth is, I don't take interest in anything and even if I did, all I see are dollar signs which makes it hard to even want to venture out. I was motivated to move from Cali and from my moms house as well as work on my credit but its still not enough. I just don't feel fulfilled and I really don't think I ever have. Writing always helps me get it out of my head but it doesn't help me fill this hole inside and I don't know what will.