Nothing new, just some updates

Life has been treating me pretty well here lately. I haven’t blogged anything for a while now. Nothing really major to report accept that on Monday which is the 23rd, Marcus and I find out if the other guy tested as a possible father for baby Jordan is actually the dad. If he isn’t, then the state of Oklahoma is going to pay to have Marcus tested which is a great thing because that shit is expensive lol. I still feel a lot of ways about the situation. I am not sure I am ready to be a parent but at the same time I want to be one. Not going to get my hopes up. I am just going to take it day by day. I know it has Marcus all fucked up. I can’t imagine all that he has to be feeling right now. I am very happy to say that all the debt that I was trying to get out of is officially behind me and I got my car repaired. I have one more major thing to do to my car which is to get some new tires but other than that it is all about doing well at work and saving at this point. I am trying to work as much OT as possible at this point. Its hard doing a lot of OT because I feel like I never see my baby and when I do see him, I am tired. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all for a good reason and I am not spending time with him now so that we can do whatever we want, when we want once we move to ATL. I have to admit, my car looks great. Somehow my dash got cracked while it was in their possession. They will be fixing it lol. Something not worth reporting but I will. I signed the papers for my divorce. It didn’t make me feel any kind of way accept annoyed that I had to pay $10.00 for it. Its over whoop di do, chapter closed. As it stands right now I am in a really good spot. I have a man that loves me and treats me well and I love him in return. I am excited about my future as a whole and with him. I am ready to leave California at this point, I miss my friends all ready.

The little things

I have some great friends. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like to but they are always there and always jump at the opportunity to spend time together. It feels good to feel like you matter to people. I recently lost a friend of mine and it upset me because I didn’t talk to him as much as I should have. He was sick for a while and he wasn’t always feeling up to talking but he was always there when I needed him. I am going to make a greater attempt to spend time with my loved ones.

Still Smiling

Things didn’t exactly go as planned for me when it came down to being out of debt with this last paycheck. I did clear up a substantial amount but not all that I needed. Its ok though because I know that it will get done. It didn’t mess up my schedule for getting things handled though everything is going to go as planned. Tomorrow I take my car to the shop and I won’t see it again until the 20th. I am really going to miss my car. I have to tweek some things financially because I ran across a unexpected expense yesterday when my car battery died on me twice. I kicked out $87.00 for a damn battery. I am glad it happened when I had money on me. I was actually going to pay off some of my direct deposit money yesterday and I am glad I didn’t because if I had then I would not have been able to get the battery and would have been really screwed. Things didn’t go as planned but I am still smiling. This accomplishment has been a real team effort for me and Marcus and me and I am so grateful to have him. We aren’t in the spot that we want to be but we have worked really hard to get out of the spot that we were in and the fact that we did it together as a team really makes me happy. He makes it really easy to be optimistic when I get down because he makes sure that I know that I am not doing it alone so I need to stop tripping. That’s my babe, I love him so much.

The little things

Often people take the little things for granted but it's the little things that matter the most. Most big arguments start because of little things. People seem to realize when the little things are no longer being done even though they never showed they appreciated them in the first place. I decided that when I blog I want to take some time to post about the little things that I am grateful for. My favorite little thing is how my baby reaches for me in his sleep. If I get up to go pee and lay back down I find his arms around me, his head on my chest, or his legs wrapped around me as soon as I return to bed. This doesn't just apply to me getting up to go pee lol. I love my man.

Mr. Swindell-Jackson

"Amazing" Oh na na na Oh na na na Oh na na na Everything I am, everything I was Has been elevated through the power of your love Everything I've lost, everything I’ve gained No longer makes a difference since you changed my name [Bridge:] Got my heart beat faster, I can barely catch my breath! Boy, your love took the pain from my chest! Now I look at us, Parallel to the stars Boy, you claim my heart, you’re so amazing! [Chorus:] You are amazing, When I thought that I had seen it all Came and shown me I ain’t seen nothing You are amazing When my back was up against the wall It was you that hit the restart button Took me to a better place, Showed me some better ways Now I should be living my life each and every day Been through so much, never thought that you exist But ain't nobody ever made me feel like this! You are amazing! Everywhere I’ve been, everything I’ve done All the money fails in comparison to the compassion you show me Every time that you hold me And when I’m in your arms, I can do anything for you [Bridge:] Got my heart beat faster, I can barely catch my breath! Boy, your love took the pain from my chest! Now I look at us, Parallel to the stars Boy, you claim my heart, you’re so amazing! [Chorus:] You are amazing, When I thought that I had seen it all Came and shown me I ain’t seen nothing You are amazing When my back was up against the wall It was you that hit the restart button Took me to a better place, Showed me some better ways Now I should be living my life each and every day Been through so much, never thought that you exist But ain't nobody ever made me feel like this! You are amazing! Through the ups and downs you never left my side I was lost, but you found me and saved my life I could have died, no love inside Before you I was stone inside But you made me feel again Boy, I swear you are amazing! Oh na na na Oh na na na Oh na na na [Chorus:] You are amazing When I thought that I had seen it all Came and shown me I ain’t seen nothing You are amazing When my back was up against the wall It was you that hit the restart button Took me to a better place, Showed me some better ways Now I should be living my life each and every day Been through so much, never thought that you exist But ain't nobody ever made me feel like this! You are amazing! Gave me a new life When you made me your wife Yes you did! And I love, love, love, I love you There's nothing I would not do for you…

WOW

In a few months it will have been a year since I met the man that I hope to spend the rest of my life with. No we have not been together this whole time but you will never hear him say that. Marcus will tell you, that I have been his since the moment that I met him. Due to certain circumstances you can look at that as sounding crazy but if think about it, it can be the sweetest thing ever said at the same time. I wasted a lot of time not taking advantage of what is right in front of me. Marcus is all I ever wanted and I will damn sure make sure that he knows it because I haven't done a great job of showing him this so far. All my friends have said they have never seen me like this before. Yes, we have had our drama and things have gotten out of hand but this was all due to there being a lack of appreciation for what I have on my part, and the same thing applies to him. I have a man that I can't wait to take home to mama.