Time to get it together

I don't know what to say about myself anymore. I have broken so many rules that I set for myself. Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of fun doing it but there are some things I am not proud of. 1 thing about me that has been consistant for the most part in my life is that I don't do penetration unless I am actually with someone.  Everything else is fair game but not that.  Here lately, everything is fair game.  Maybe I am being to hard on myself but that was something I was proud of.  I have all kinds of messed that rule up.  I have kinda been a ho.  I came down here with the intent of just being single and being OK with that.  I have done just that.  I currently can't put a # on how many people I am talking to and that's mainly because I haven't tried too lol but there are 2 guys that I am really feeling right now.  Alonzo and Deon.  I wasn't looking for anything and I find it funny that most people have a hard time finding someone that wants more than to just fuck and I can't find anyone that doesn't get emotionally attached and its kinda aggravating for me because I don't want that right now.  So, I am going to slow myself down, and keep to myself for a min.  Sex is gr8 but it's not something that I need so I am going to focus on me and my family for a bit.

Life after Cali

I don’t think I have written since the big move.  I am back with my family in Atlanta.   Things have been going well, I started work but I still don’t have a clue what the hell it is that I do for a living at this point and it is week two of training.  I have made one friend in training and I am trying to get out of my old ways of keeping to myself.  I am sure there are some great people in here and I will work on continuing to grow as a person. 

Being back with the family has been great.  However, my brother and I aren’t speaking because of some stupid shit that I think I will fix today if he isn’t as stubborn as me.  I guess I have left a lot to the imagination for my mom though because my ass ain’t ever home. 

My dating life has been good.  I have been having fun.  There is one guy that I would seriously date and if I wanted to we would be together right now.  I just don’t really want to be with anyone in particular right now but even though I am fighting it, in the back of my head, I see myself ending up with him,  I am not telling him that or letting him know that’s what I think.  He already told me to take my time but I will be his.  I actually had a team lined up (don’t judge me LOL) and so far this one guy is the only one who has made the cut, Jae was my front runner till I met him face to face and his grill was fucked beyond repair and him touching me with his mouth was not an option, All I have to offer is a hug and my friendship to him.  Chaz was part of my top 4, fine as hell and he got booted off the list cause the sex was horrid (don’t judge me).  I don’t ever think I admired someone’s belongings during sex.  I honestly think he busted fast and tried to play it off but I couldn’t even fake that one.  Travon was also in the top 4 but he got real needy and we haven’t even met yet and that is why we won’t be meeting.  Then there is my # 1 J I am not going to mention him by name just yet.  I came to the conclusion that I am not putting his name out until I am sure. The others are I am sure I am not going there lol.  I can talk about how great a guy he is but I have done the prematurely in the past and they didn’t turn out to be so great.  I decided that he has to be around and still have me interested in 3 months before I bring him around my friends and 6 months before my family gets to meet him I haven’t decided how long I want to wait to make something official but it won’t be any time soon.  He knows that I am dating though and he is cool with it so we have gone into this with complete realness and I am hopeful but still not rushing.

All is good though.   I’m happy, healthy, hopeful, and more of the me that I once knew than I have been in a very long time. It feels good.