I made it

I made it to Atlanta after working towards it for so long. It is seriously bitter sweet. It doesn't feel real to me yet, California still feels like home. I know that isn't the case anymore but I can't help it. It's been great being with my family, I still get a little emotional when I think about just being with them. I really think that if I made it back home more often then California wouldn't have been as bad. It's weird though, I am around family but it's like being with strangers because I have missed so much and people change. My last day in California was rough as hell. I finally accepted the fact that I am still in love with Devin and missed him. I had to see him before I left and saying goodbye to him was so hard on me. I cried so hard, behind him. It was like getting the closure that I never got when we broke up the last time. I just held on so tight. He told me he had been going through it emotionally and it was like it was when I first met him, I just wanted to make it better. Well, I have to go get ready for bed. First day of work tomorrow.

Hard lesson, but one that was learned

I am feeling a little physically sick at the moment. My emotions are all over the place. Part of me wants to jump and holler and the other part of me wants to cry. Its official, I am leaving California. I leave on 10/28/2012 and it is so bitter sweet. I am going to miss all the people that have met here. I spent a lot of time unhappy here, but here lately, I have been happier than I have been in a long time and it didn’t require the presence of anyone. It feels good to be me, and feel like its ok to be me. Life is good and scary as hell but in the end, its my life and I am going to make the best of it. I got a raise to go with my new job, and I live in a place where the cost of living is nothing compared to here. I am stepping into the unknown again but this time, reliant on me for happiness.

Things falling into place

Yet again, it has been a while since I last wrote. In all honesty, not much has happened since the last time I wrote. Marcus and I are still done and it will stay that way, I have gone on a few dates and met someone that I actually like here which sucks because I am leaving, and O yeah, I felt up Rachel’s Zumba instructor (blame it on the booze). I didn’t have anything else of merit to report till a couple days ago. Two days ago I got the go ahead to apply for another position which was something I hadn’t planned on doing till Oct. Oct is right around the corner but still. I started applying and I found a position that I think I have a pretty good chance of getting. While I was planning on starting to apply in October, this job starts October the 1st and it really hit me that I am leaving. I have been really wishy washy about it all and I find that so weird because I have wanted this for so long. A lot has to do with all that I am leaving behind here. I have made some great friends here and created an extended family and now I am leaving it all. I know it is my life to live and not my family’s but I want my family to be physically apart of my life because I have missed so much and I feel like I put them on the back burner for something that didn’t even work out and now I feel stupid for it. It is a lesson learned, they are still there and he is not there in any way. I don’t ever want to put anyone over my family again. I got an email yesterday telling me that I got an interview. I am not sure of when, but I know they should be making their decisions next week. That’s about it for updates. I want to get together will all my friends but I haven’t figured out how just yet. Today I was driving in and for some reason my mind went to Devin and how it feels like just yesterday I walked off the plane to be with him and now his presence isn’t in my life at all and how even though I talked about never seeing him again and I did for a few brief moments a couple times but I feel deep down that I won’t see him ever again.