Lost

Here lately I have posted some angry blogs. I feel bad because I said that would never be me again. In all honesty, I am lost. I am scared. I am going home, and leaving Cali. in ways it is a good thing because I will be with my family but I feel like I am running away. In all honesty I miss my husband. I miss the friend that he once was but I miss him. I put up a wall when we tried to work things out because I didn't want to hurt again and if that wall wasn't up I think we would still be together. We aren't together and that was the love of my life. I am trying to make things work with Marcus. I really do love him but he ain't Devin. I am trying to get past that because Devin is no longer mine. Maybe I needed more time before I got into something else. I was scared of being alone. He is a good man but I feel like he got the short end of the stick. I have to leave Cali though because I can't sit here with my husband being so close and there being nothing there. He is the reason I came here. In a min, I won't be able to call him my husband anymore and it kills me.