Update

I haven't blogged in a while; I said to myself that I would do it on a regular basis because I find it therapeutic. I have been off from work since last Saturday. I really needed the break and the time off really bad. I am really dreading going back but if all goes well, I will just be there for a day and then leaving for a while. I went to the therapist and she wrote me out for the entire week. God really looked out for me. I called out on Saturday because I was running late and I looked at it like hey, I am going to get an occurrence anyway so why not just call out. Then I had my appointment with the therapist and she deemed me severely depressed and took me off from work for the whole week. Now I have a doctor’s note so there isn't anything that they can do to me. I didn't want to use so much sick time but I had to because the therapist wants me to see a psychiatrist and that appointment is on this Friday, and the chances of me being able to take it off were slim to none so I just took the time off. Phase one of my plans to better me was to get out of having to work for a while and focus on myself while surrounded by loved ones. To do so, I wanted to get FMLA. I contacted my doctor, but he was not the one who responded to me, someone filling in did. She gave me some information and asked some questions but that was about it. I set up an appointment with mental health and the lady that I spoke with gave me some time off but she told me she wasn't able to do anything about FMLA and only a psychiatrist could. I was slightly bummed because I thought I would know if I could leave at that time. The next day, I got an email from my doctor and he said he was going to put in the paperwork for my FMLA. I was so happy. Tomorrow, I go to the psychiatrist and hope they will grant me the extended leave. If they do, then April 4th will be my last day that is if I can't start it before then. I am in a better head space than what I was when I first began blogging. I hate that things went down the way they did. I am still ashamed of my actions. I still feel like Devin was way out of line and I am so sorry that Marcus got hurt in the crossfire. It’s over though. I don't think I will ever speak with Devin again, and I doubt we will ever be friends again and I have come to terms with that. He did me a favor though when he told Marcus. He made me face the fact that I am living with something and I have to be fair to who I am with and myself. I got emotionally involved with someone without being honest. It was a big mistake and one I won't ever make again. I don't have to. Marcus doesn't hate me and that means a lot to me. I don't see myself ever going back to LA cause that was a pretty devastating night. I have a lot more to say, but I am going to hold off for just a second. I need to see where life takes me first.