1st post of 2013

Wow, what a year. I never planned for my life to take the turns that it did but I am better for it.  I have experienced so much, good and bad, and I have learned so much about myself. I go into 2013 happy for the first time in a very long time.  I will say this about the end of 2012, I got the chance to feel truly loved and it didn't come from the places I had been looking for that feeling. I felt it from Rachel, the person I spent my last couple of months with in California. Jharon, the person who was always there for me. Christian, my lil man. Karla and Yachi, the first real friends that I met outside of a relationship and really got to know the real me and not me and the person I was with. Finally, I got it from my family, the people who have been in my life for all of my life (with some new additions). I'm home now, where I need to be and for the first time in a long time I feel like there is nothing wrong with me being the person that I am and I finally feel like I know the person that I am, flaws and all. I make no resolutions, I've lost the weight, smoking isn't an issue, and I found a way to let my guard down with someone, and so far its going well. I looked at old blogs in order to get dates and it turns out that its been almost 6 mo.the since my last relationship which is big to me because I was able to finally be ok being alone. Relationships have taken everything from me, while I thought I wasn't jaded, it turns out that I was.  I've dated, I've taken time to get to know someone without there being a rush. I feel that I'm ready and I don't want to miss out on him, we are not official (my choice) but I want my 2013 to be with him. I go into this year healthy, happy, and feeling loved and I'm loving it. The past is the past and some people have to be left there and while some people have been a crutch, I tossed the crutches aside way before the end of 2012. Time for my future.