Big Steps, big excitment

I have been dealing a lot with my emotions here lately; more, the lack thereof and I think that I have come to some conclusions. I couldn’t figure out why I just wasn’t feeling anything for anyone and then all of a sudden I did. So Aarris and I had a falling out or whatever you would call it and we stopped talking and it actually bothered me that we hadn’t talked. I absolutely hate that it bothers me because I was rather happy not caring but apparently I do. Aarris and I seem to be going back and forth about the same thing he wants to commit and I am not ready to have a boyfriend. I think he is moving too fast and he thinks I am not trying to move anywhere. I think he is great, but everyone is great at first. He has been consistent in his behavior which is new to me. The only real complaint that I have is that he is talking about things that I really don’t want to think about right now. All that he wants from me I am willing to do, just not now and I feel really bad about making him wait but my relationships have been one big mistake after another and I just don’t want to do it again. I am actually about to make a big step. I am still not making anything official but I am going to let him meet the family. No one has met my family in years so this is a pretty big thing to me and he has no idea how big of a thing this is to him because my family can be pretty critical. I am excited surprisingly. We will see how he meshes with the circus I am happy to call a family. I think he will fit in just fine; he is as silly as the rest of us. We will see.


Side note, I am ubber happy right now. Friday, when I get home from work my dad will be there. I haven’t seen him since I flew down last August. I miss my old man so much. Every day I am reminded why I am so glad to be back home, not that I need to be reminded. I wake up happy. I go to sleep happy. I haven’t been able to say that in so long